courage

it takes courage to live.

at the edge

during my stay in nepal, i wanted to do a short trek and my trekking guide recommended a 3 days 2 nights trek to the gosaikunda lake, located at an altitiude of 4,380m above sea level, in the langtang national park in dhunche. this was a holy lake where the local hindus would go at least once in their lifetime. since i had never been there, i did not mind going.

i was visiting trishuli and staying at my trekking guide’s friend’s house for a night. from trishuli, we needed to take a 6 to 7 hours bus ride to dhunche the next morning.

initially, the bus ride was quite smooth, until we reached a part of the bus route. the road was badly maintained, with a lot of potholes, making it very difficult for the bus to cross. moreover, the road was narrow, barely allowing vehicles from both directions to drive through. to make things worse, the bus was on the side of the road near the cliff. any slight mistake by the bus driver could cause the bus to fall over the edge. you could not imagine what would happen to all the passengers inside and those sitting on top of the bus if it fell over.

the bus driver attempted to drive through the road, causing the bus to shake so violently. at every attempt to cross over, there was commotion in the bus. i was asking inside my head, was this a test for me? would this be my doomsday? by chance, i happened to sit on the side of the bus near the edge. whenever the bus driver was trying to drive through, i could feel that the bus would fall any minute. when i looked down, i saw the rocky surface at the bottom of the cliff. not advisable to look down in this circumstance. seriously, i had never been so close to the edge. my trekking guide who was sitting on the other side dared to ask me, "are you okay?" obviously not! i shouted back a big 'no'! i kept leaning away from the side, hopping that my weight would be distributed to the other side, defying gravity. people often said that when one was at the end of his life, he would have flashbacks of his past. well, i was waiting for that to happen, but it did not. maybe my time was not up yet. in matter of near death, a lot of things came to my mind though and suddenly, a lot of things did not matter as well, as long as i was alive. i could only react and face the fear. my mind and heart were racing fast in this real life thrill. the bus driver attempted twice and i thought i had more than enough thrill. my heart might not be able to take it further. i decided to get off the bus and walk past the bumpy road. i felt that i was better in control of my life, than leaving in the hands of someone. it would also be easier for the bus driver if there were lesser passengers onboard, lesser weight. 

it suddenly dawned on me that all the passengers’ lives were dependent on the driving skills of the driver. we had expected the driver to bring us to our destination safely, that he was skillful enough to drive in any road condition. i would say he was definitely skillful. on a bigger context, we often had a lot of expectations on a lot of things and people in our lives subsciously. gradually, we started to take things for granted and got disappointed when things did not happen as expected. we became greedy and wanted more. we forgot to appreciate. only in times of crisis would we be awakened and thankful for whatever we had. in nepal, many people were living their lives at the edge for survival, travelling on this kind of road condition everyday. i should be grateful that i lived in singapore, where the roads were well maintained and the transport system was so convenient.

in the end, with lesser passengers onboard, the bus driver finally managed to drive through the road hurdle. once again, we hopped onto the bus and drove off. 

first time experiencing such a nerve wrecking bus journey! +_+

 the bus i took on the way back to kathmandu after finishing the trek. due to limited seats in the bus, the locals had to sit on top of the bus.

we met the same situation on our way back as well. the road was so bumpy that they had to get a bulldozer to move away some of the big boulders. 

the bus was stopped further away, waiting for the road to be cleared.

starry starry night

i saw a starry starry night in the dark sky of nepal.

i was on an overnight bus to another place with my trekking guide and his friend. we were stopping by a small town for a while. the whole town was in darkness and i saw candles lit up in the shops. in nepal, they did not have enough electricity. the government had to cut off the electricity for a few hours everyday to conserve. the problem was, there was no fixed timing for the electricity cut-off. sometimes you could be caught off guarded, especially if you were still showering in the bathroom. i experienced that when i was staying with my trekking guide at kathmandu.

incidentally, while sitting in the bus, i looked up into the sky. wow! there were millions and millions of stars, shining ever so brightly. the sky was breathtaking! i hardly saw a sky full of stars in singapore; too many streetlamps, over shining the stars.

a whole universe up there, thousands of light years ahead, vast and mysterious, made human beings look so small. i wondered if there was someone looking down at me as well. i believed the universe had its own law, of  how everything would turn out. we were constantly in the midst of the happenings and sometimes we felt lost. we started questioning, we wanted some answers, yet maybe only time could tell. often, when we looked back, everything started to make sense and fall in place. everything happened for a reason.

that was a beautiful night, let me admire the stars and believe in the power of the universe. 

wild honey

we decided to try the breakfast at wild honey, a newly opened breakfast and brunch place at scott’s square in orchard road. zz and jd had previously tried the food in another outlet and were recommending to us.  wild honey was known for its different styles of breakfast from different countries. since that saturday was christmas eve (24 december 2011), we thought it would be a nice to celebrate christmas together at a nice breakfast place. they were most accommodating to agree to meet at 8am (instead of our usual 9am) as i needed to start work at 11am.

scott’s square was a new building in orchard and luckily with the help of google map, i managed to locate the building. when i got in, most of the shops were either not opened or still under renovation. i went up to the 3rd level and finally saw the restaurant at one corner, with the door closed. at about 8am, the restaurant manager opened the door and was a little surprised to see me standing outside. she must be wondering why would anyone come so early for breakfast.

she showed me into the restaurant, to a table for 5 people. the whole place was decorated like a home, with tables of different number of seats and antique china pieces on the wall, diffusing a cozy and homey feeling. one might imagine as if you were dining at your own home. the 3 of them came shortly after. zz could not come as she suddenly had stomach cramp before she left her house.

we started looking through the menu and the restaurant had an ipad to display the photos of the various breakfast. a picture said a thousand words. all of them looked very appetizing, making it so difficult to choose! we each ordered a different breakfast and settled down at our table. i ordered a cup of hazelnut latte, as a reward for myself after working hard at k bookstore for the past week. i missed making a cup of nice coffee every morning using the espresso machine at my ex company. what a great way to start a working day then.

we were busily updating one another about our past week while enjoying the delicious breakfast. the restaurant got more and more crowded with people streaming in. this was definitely a popular brunch place, especially on weekends. zz managed to join us subsequently when she felt better.

towards the end of the session, we had christmas gift exchange! em suggested this some weeks ago and each of us prepared a gift for exchange. scallop wrote our names on pieces of paper and tossed them onto the table. each of us picked a piece. i picked zz and she gave me a book titled white tiger. yeah! another book to read! i liked to receive books as gifts. in fact, i bought a book as gift as well. zz also bought separate gifts for us when she went on holiday in thailand recently. she gave me a journal book with a bodhi tree as the cover and wrote me a postcard. my tears almost poured out! i seldom received handwritten cards from someone nowadays. the last card i received was from coly and her words always touched me and made me cry. jd was nice enough to give us tickets to the dreams and reality exhibition which showcased the masterpieces of painting, drawing and photography from the famous museé d’ orsay museum in paris. one of the paintings i wanted to see was the ‘starry night’ by vincent van gogh. i could not wait to go to the exhibition with them!

the waitress kept coming to our table to clear our plates or requesting us to make payment. we probably sat longer than we should when there was queue outside.

i had an enjoyable session with them, the breakfast and gift exchange, embracing a little christmas mood. although, the prices of the food at wild honey were slightly on the higher side, still worthwhile to pamper ourselves once in a while, especially it was christmas. = )

http://www.wildhoney.com.sg/10/index.htm

 wild honey, no place like home

 a large dining table at a corner, enough for a big family

 my hazelnut latte!

english breakfast! yummy!

last leg of the race

this is the last leg of the race, push on.

picnic by the beach

for our 3rd breakfast session, we decided to bring it outdoor for a change. my friends and i thought it would be a different experience to be in the nature with fresh air and scenery. 

we arranged to meet at the mac donald’s at east coast park but one of us was late. we learnt from another friend that she just lost her hand phone the day before. as we were unable to contact her, we could only wait and hope that she appear soon. after waiting for half an hour, she finally reached! she got off the wrong bus stop and had to walk all the way to the mac donalds, causing the delay.

with everyone present, we got into the car and drove off along the east coast park highway to the beach near the national service resort and country club. that beach should have lesser people than east coast park, more conducive to talk and listen. 

it was a bright sunday morning on 27 november 2011, with the sun shining against the clear blue sky.  there were few people by the beach when we reached. we chose a spot on top of the breakwater and laid the groundsheet we brought. each of us prepared a breakfast item to share. there were egg sandwiches, bread, fruits, milk and juices. it had been a while since i last came to the beach, sitting down, looking at the sea, listening to the waves and feeling the gentle breeze blowing by. there was a sense of serenity at the beach,  with the waves splashing against the breakwater, following a momentum, abiding to the laws of the universe. the sound of the waves gave a smoothing feeling that could calm the noisy heart and put aside the thoughts in the mind. unlike indoor places, with people sitting beside and walking around distracting us, the beach made us feel more relaxed. except when, it got hotter and hotter, we had to shift our things to a shady place.

that day was a good breakfast session, getting close to nature once in a while and fulfilling something i always wanted to do; having  an outdoor picnic with a group of friends. another item checked!

a hearty breakfast!

forty hands café

since the book café, my friends and i decided to have our weekly breakfast sessions at different cafés. we could explore new places while having our sessions at the same time. this round, we went to the forty hands café (on 19 november 2011). the café was tucked along yong siak street in tiong bahru. this street had a number of interesting boutique shops selling different things. books actually bookstore was just diagonally opposite forty hands café. 

at 9am, the place was already crowded with people, probably the nearby residents coming for breakfast. luckily, we still managed to find a table at one corner to sit.  

the café was not big, with a few tables inside and a few tables outside the door entrance. there was a staircase leading downwards to the backdoor with a few more tables in that small area. the café emanated a retro feel, with old posters on the wall, a big menu hanged behind the counter and some chairs transformed from wood carton boxes. the utensils sets were interesting too, where breakfast sets were served in traditional metal plates, like those used in the old days. i wondered, where they prepared the breakfast as i did not see any kitchen at the counter area.

we were eating our breakfast and sharing how our week had been. as we were sharing, the atmosphere suddenly turned tensed and emotional. it felt like we were warped in our own world at our table. at the same time, i could still hear the music playing at the background and the conversations of the people sitting at the tables nearby. at that moment, i was present to the strong contrast in atmosphere at our table and the surroundings. it was fascinating that sometimes a conversation between 2 people or a group of people could create a time warped feeling with everyone so engrossed and disregarding the surroundings. in that space, we listened to what was said and the person sharing felt that she was understood. i always enjoyed this kind of conversation where i learnt something from listening to that person or i felt understood by that person when i shared.

that day was definitely a good session, with a lot of essence. after more than half a year, our weekly sessions had progressed to the next level! i looked forward to the subsequent sessions for this season!

forty hands is definitely a café with great coffee and food to chill out but may not be as conducive for deeper conversations with friends.  

nevertheless, thumbs up for the food, coffee and latte art!

http://www.40handscoffee.com/main.html

 forty hands café

latte art! helped to brighten up the day! i wanted to do this one day!

discipline

everyday is a test of discipline.

café moments

i love café culture. i enjoy sitting in a café, drinking a cup of nice coffee, reading a book or just watching the passer-bys. it allows me to pause from the constant rush and breathe. the café's interior décor and smoothing background music, coupled with an enticing menu of drinks and cakes create an ambience, perfect to sit back and relax. there is a sense of happiness in the air.

when i was in nepal for holiday in september 2011, i finally had the luxury to explore the different cafés in thamel, one of the busiest areas in kathmandu. there were many hotels, tour agencies, camping equipment, souvenir and tea shops, restaurants and cafes, catering to the different needs of the tourists. it seemed like a world of its own, bustling with activities.

i was staying with my trekking guide whom i known 3 years ago. he was kind enough to let me stay at his place for this trip. every morning, i would ride on his scooter and follow him to thamel where he had 2 tea shops. i would stop by at his tea shop for a cup of tea before i set off to check out the different cafés. the cafes were within walking distance from one another, making me spoilt with choices. i was excited to experience the leisure of sitting in a café and watching the world go by. i always wanted to do that in singapore but did not really have the chance to do it. 

the cafés in thamel were spacious and i could easily find a quiet spot to sit for a long time. most of the time, the cafés were not crowded. i would order a drink, maybe a cup of latte or tea. after making myself comfortable, i started to observe the interior décor, furniture and people in the café. i became present to what i was seeing, how i was feeling and letting these moments sank in. time did not seem important. the world seemed serene. nothing more mattered. in the silence, i could faintly hear the whispers of my heart, of what it was trying to say. my heart felt peaceful, thankful, grateful, contented and fulfilled. that was all it needed, a space to rest. maybe this was all we needed, peace in the heart.

for the whole trip, i visited a few cafés, each had its unique style and evoked different feelings in me. sometimes, i could even visit 2 places within a day! i would read my book or write my journal in the cafés, enjoying the time with myself.

the café moments were definitely one of the highlights of the trip where i felt connected to my heart and we enjoyed the moments together. = )

gaia restaurant and coffee shop, just behind my trekking guide's tea shop

a nice cup of mocha

pumpernickel bakery

i liked the interior décor of pumpernickel bakery

my honey lemon tea 

an italian restaurant, ladolce vita

interior décor of ladolce vita

the tiramisu was delicious! 

casa de koffee

enjoying a cup of nice hazelnut latte!

that little dream

i did not know why but in 2010, i had the thought of wanting to work in a particular bookstore, k. probably at that time, i was getting tired of corporate world and the only thing i wanted to do was to sit at one corner and read books leisurely. i enjoyed reading and liked the culture of that bookstore. this set me wondering how it would be to work in a bookstore environment, being able to combine interest and work.

that little dream lingered in my head and it was not until mid of 2011, that i started to think about fulfilling it seriously. though it sounded silly, but i went through a lot of internal struggles in my head before i decided to leave my current job and pursue something that i wanted.

i finally sent in my resume in october 2011 after coming back from my holiday trip in nepal. although i did not hear anything from them subsequently, i was constantly checking the website for any new openings. on one occasion, i saw that they would be conducting a walk-in interview soon. not wanting to give up so easily, i went for the walk-in interview to find out more. the interviewer gave me a better insight of the various positions and it dawned on me that sometimes things might not be what i expected. i was at a dilemma of whether i should pursue further.

as i was debating in my head, i received a call from my friend in late november 2011 and she asked about my application. somehow, her call prompted me to check the website again. they just had another round of walk-in interview for temporary positions. although the interview dates were over, i decided to call them to enquire. i was not preparing to give up until i hear an affirmative answer from them. the human resource personnel told me that the positions were filled up, but i left my contact with them nonetheless, just in case they might have openings in future again. somehow, things started to unfold. i got a call from them on the same evening to go for an interview the next day. wow! this got me excited! i went for the interview and understood that the temporary position was for the chistmas season, ending in early january 2012. i thought it would be a comfortable period for me to experience working in the bookstore. a few hours later, they called and told me that i was selected for the position. oh my gosh! everything happened so fast! i quickly made a call to inform the person-in-charge of my current temporary assignment, giving her a day’s notice. i would be starting at the bookstore on the following tuesday! the phone call from my friend seemed to trigger everything that happened subsequently! it was a sign! i must really thank her for that phone call! i was finally going to fulfill my little dream!

as the christmas season was a busy period, they recruited a number of ‘o’ levels school leavers who were waiting for results as well. i was the oldest among them but definitely looked as young as them.  most of them could not believe when i told them my actual age! haha!!! proper training on gift wrapping and cashiering were provided to us even though we would only be working for 1 month. i could see that they emphasized a lot on training to ensure that we were able to perform our tasks well.

it was interesting to observe the people shopping in the bookstore. when i was working, i would notice how they dressed, the kind of books they bought as gifts or for themselves and how they fumbled with their wallets to make payment. i could see kids picking all their favorite books and the parents would pay for them. so envious! how i wished my parents would do that when i was young. i had seen many different books than i ever seen, processed hundreds of payment transactions and wrapped so many books within that month. the bookstore seemed to shrink by the day as i got more and more familiar with the different segments of where the books were located.

despite the internet boom where e-books became so easily accessible, there were still a lot of people willing to spend money to buy books as gifts or personal reading. they were not buying just 1 or 2 books, but a lot more! i was amazed by how much they were willing to spend on books. personally, i liked the touch of a physical book, flapping page after page, seeing the unread pages getting thinner and thinner as i continued reading. it would get me excited to want to finish the book quickly!

this was also the first time i spent my christmas and new year working in a bookstore. i must admit that i needed to adjust my mood accordingly as i had to miss a couple of christmas gatherings because of work.

everything came to an end on 2 january 2012 when i completed the assignment. for the past month, i was present to how much it took to fulfill a dream, even just a small one. i thought about this dream in late 2010 and it actually took me a year to have the courage to take action and fulfill it. how turtle slow i was. i spent most of the energy considering and considering, fighting the fears in me. there were a lot of questions in my head; would i be willing to bear with the pay drop? would i be able to withstand the concerns from people around me of my decision? would i be able to get in? would i like it? it was definitely confronting with so many thoughts at the back of my mind. i was thinking too much even before i took any action! when i finally took action, it became the wait and the uncertainty that were dangling at the back of my mind. for the past half year, it was definitely good training to my heart, learning to withstand the stress i put onto myself. i came out stronger.

i guess it is more about overcoming the barriers to fulfill the dream, than the dream fulfilled itself. sometimes, we are often held back by too many considerations which may not even be certain in the end. we get easily deceived by our minds. in the end, we give up on our dreams. this is the biggest lesson i have learnt.

i know that in the years to come, i will still be proud of myself for taking that small step, for giving myself the chance to fulfill that little dream. = )

p/s: i have set to read 15 solid books in 2012, especially some titles recommended by my friends. i just finished another awesome book by jostein gaarder, the solitaire mystery, within a week! highly recommended! my 1st book in 2012! 14 more to go!

dreams and reality

i need to learn how to weave my dreams into reality.

game of life

i need to play the game of life seriously, everyday.

run for a reason

this was the 4th time i participated in the standard chartered marathon and the 2nd time i was running a full marathon, 42.195km. on 4 december 2011, before 5am, tens and thousands of people gathered at the starting point at orchard road. a rare scene to see so many people gather at one common place at such an early hour. i could see people warming up, gearing up their earphones or taking photos while waiting for the race to start. at 5am, the gun sound went off and everyone started running.

i started running too, the beginning of a long run. i finished my run at 7 hours and 10 minutes last year and was hopping to improve my timing this year. however, it was not long that i felt the need to visit the toilet. the thought was seriously distracting my run that i  had to stop at the toilet station along hill street. although it took a while, i felt relieved and was finally able to focus on the run.

as i was running, there were a lot of cheer boards put up along the way to encourage the runners. i saw one particular board which wrote “run for a reason”, the theme for this year. did i have a reason to run? it suddenly dawned on me that i actually did not have a good enough reason to run this year. for the past 3 times, i was running for my ex company. the company was an active participant of the standard chartered marathon and to encourage employees to run, it pledged to donate $100 to a adopted charitable organization for every kilometre completed by anyone in the run. run for a good cause, i thought. if my little effort to run could raise funds for the less fortunate, why not? it was also about challenging myself in running as i had never run a marathon. i started with 10km in the 1st year, increasing to half marathon, 21km in the subsequent year and finally completed my 1st full marathon last year. these were good enough to push me to do my best in completing the run. since i left the company this year and tried all 3 different categories of run, i realized i was lost for a reason. what was the rush to run?

after i crossed the 21km mark, i slowed down and decided to walk. i thought maybe walking would be a more suitable exercise for me in future. there was a part of the route where the sun was scorching hot with no drinks station at sight. i was feeling frustrated, causing me to walk faster and faster, wanting to finish this part as soon as possible. sometimes, frustration or anger could spur me in a positive direction.

i guessed what really kept me going was the intention to complete what i started. i did not like to leave things incomplete. although there were agonies of pain on both legs and wanting to give up, i came to a point of understanding that the only thing i could do was to keep going. as long as i kept going, i would reach the end point eventually. no point crying over the situation i got myself in. i kept walking and walking. i finally crossed the finishing point after 7 hours and 45 minutes. not the best timing but at least i managed to complete it. i did not feel much of an excitement but more of a flat feeling, a “been there, done that” feeling. it was a race with the mental mind more than the physical body. i concluded that this was quite enough of running for the past 4 years.

when i shared about my marathon run with zee, she commented that i was able to complete something without much purpose. in the past, i needed to have a purpose/point of doing something, otherwise, i would not want to move or move unwillingly. now i could do something without much purpose. this sounded like a different form of achievement. often, there were times where we needed to do something, just because we needed to do, without much reason. this would be useful in future.

a marathon run seems to be a minute reflection of the longest marathon we are running now, our lives. how we react in the marathon could be how we react in our lives. what are we all running for in our lives? everyone has a different reason to run and a different destination to reach. when someone runs ahead of us, we might start to doubt our abilities and get distracted. are we focusing on our run? i constantly ask myself what i am running for and where i am running towards. unlike a marathon, there is no clear destination and it definitely takes a lifetime to run. the only thing for sure is, i run my own race.

keep running and run for a reason.

1st time running a full marathon with yeo yeo

the power of movies

i have a friend who loves to watch movies. nothing wrong with that, except that he could watch the same movie over and over again. at that time, i could not understand why would someone spend so much time watching the same movie over and over again? it seemed like a waste of time. what is the beauty of a movie?

this got me curious that i started to search for movies that were blockbusters, recommended by the newspapers or friends and watched them. i began to fall in love watching movies. in a movie, i could be intrigued by the story plot, the acting of the cast, the beautiful angle shots, the visual effects or the message the movie was trying to convey within the 2 to 3 hours. it was like a short escape from reality where anything was possible. it stirred my emotions that i could feel my heart again. sometimes, i would be touched/reminded by or gained realizations from a movie, that gave me strength to continue believing. it was a source of ideas/inspirations and appreciating what the movie director was saying.

someone once said that because in reality, our lives are too boring, we try to live a different life through dramas or movies, imagining ourselves as the lead characters, regaining hope that our real lives could be just as exciting. to some extent, i guess it is true. we probably need some dramas to spice up our lives.

movie, from the creation of an idea in the mind and transforming it from scratch to reality. salute to all the movie directors who have the vision and passion in what they are doing. it takes tremendous efforts to do that.

sharing with you the list of movies i watched in 2011. i am amazed at myself of the number of movies i have watched within a year. looking forward to great movies in 2012!

1.       shutter island

2.       sex and the city 2

3.       valentine’s day

4.       toy story 3

5.       3 idiots

6.       ghajini

7.       taare zameen par (every child is special)

8.       the bucket list

9.       despicable me

10.   love and other drugs

11.   rabbits have no ears

12.   prime

13.   hello, stranger

14.   love me if you dare

15.   never let me go

16.   127 hours

17.   black swan

18.   tangled

19.   台北星期天

20.   跳跃大搜线3 – 开释罪犯

21.   no strings attached

22.   big fish

23.   the lion, the witch and the wardrobe

24.   ice age

25.   ice age 2

26.   yes man

27.   rango

28.   fight club

29.   wall street – money never sleeps

30.   under the tuscan sun

31.   love happens

32.   the king’s speech

33.   rumour has it

34.   just go with it

35.   last life in the universe

36.   brokeback mountain

37.   harry potter and the deathly hallows part 1

38.   harry potter and the deathly hallows part 2

39.   x men – first class

40.   x men

41.   i love you, philip morris

42.   mary and max

43.   五月天追梦3DNA 

44.   九降风

45.   my sassy girl

46.   too big to fail

47.   花吃了那女孩

48.   nim’s island

49.   ink heart

50.   horrible bosses

51.   midnight in paris

52.   星空

53.   那些年，我们追的女孩

54.   in time