happy birthday to me

the clock stroke 12 on 6 November 2006 and pp (aka tian mu) sang me a birthday song with a sara-lee cake in her hands.

both of us were pathetically working in the office on sunday (5 November 2006) until we went for dinner around 7pm. while we were walking back from china square after our dinner, she suddenly had the craving for haagen dazs's cookies and cream ice-cream. so we went to the nearest 7-11 to buy her ice-cream and she also bought a sara-lee cake as well. she suggested that we stayed back in office untill 12am so that she could be the first one to celebrate my 26th birthday with me. haha.. how nice of her..

yes, it was an unique way to start off my birthday celebration this year, having a close colleague/friend/sister to be the first one to wish me.. i had a bite on the cake before we packed up to go home. i didn't think much about it then until i reached home. this year's birthday was a strong contrast from my birthday last year.. for some reason, i had a sad birthday last year and i was determined enjoy my birthday this year. emotions overwhelmed me and i was really grateful that pp was there to celebrate my birthday. tears came flowing when i sent her an sms to thank her for being there.. she had been a great listener and advisor over the past year, in work or life.. she is more than just a colleague to me.. thanks pp.. = )

i am 26 years old today, or you could say slightly more than half a century old.. haha.. personally, it had been a tough year as i thought i was undergoing my quarter-life crisis (or mid 20s crisis). i have no study loans to pay off, i have a good job, i have my friends and family with me, but.. i am not happy.. i don't know what i want in my life.. i have been searching for answers over the past few years and i thought the answers would come as i grow older.. but it didn't really come or maybe i hadn't seen them.. it got me frustrated and no one could really give me a satisfactory answer.. well, everyone has their own lives and probably i should be the one answerable for my own life, to know what i want in my life.. it was after the tahan climbing trip and reading some books, that i thought i had found my answers.

believe in yourself.. if i don't even believe in myself, nobody will.. this is what i have learnt from my climbing trip at tahan... it was this strong belief in myself that i made it through the tough climb. i couldn't believe it, but i did it.. there were some great lessons which i had learnt from the trip and kept them at the back of my mind as a constant reminder.. life couldn't be more tough than what i had gone through over that 7 days at tahan! haha..

learn to choose, learn to let go.. this is what i have learnt from a chinese book that i had bought in shenzhen during my last business trip. it teaches me that in life, we cannot have the best of both worlds and there is always a time where we need to make a choice. we can only choose one and let go of the other, no matter how difficult a decision may be.. just like that are 2 sides of the coin, you can only choose one.. in life, you can choose to see things in a negative way or a positive way.. and sometimes, success is dependent whether you have made a right choice at the right time..

suddenly, everything falls into place.. maybe, i haven't been confident about myself in the past, fear of making mistakes, fear of opinions and comments of others.. i let the fears consumed and controlled me until i wasn't making any good decisions.. it was a terrible period and i was at a loss.. probably it was a stage that i needed to go through to regain my confidence and overcome my fears..

now i want to live my life one more time.. and this time, i want to be confident, not afraid of making mistakes and not afraid to stand up for myself. if i fall, i just pick myself up and continue walking.. i want to take control of my life and not to let other opinions or comments sway me easily.. for some, this may be easily achieved by them.. but for me, i am glad that i finally find some answers.. the answers are just within me, when i persist long enough..

like what pp had wished me, to be contented.. i am learning to appreciate things that happened to me, for better or for worse.. to treasure and care for the people around me... this is a life learning journey and i want to sit back to enjoy it.. there are so much to explore and experience in life.. i am proud to say that i have found the happiness within myself and i hope to spread the same joy to the people around me..

look forward to a great year ahead at the age of 26...

p/s: many thanks to these people who have wished me throughout the day.. dl, wensheng, huifen, babe, ms universe (aka ah chua), wendy, ah kan, ms ee, mrs wong, xiao mei nu (for your wonderful present as well), april, yufen, xueying, peiying, lilin, scallop, philip, tim and bryan... = )